Coaching: How to let go of your need to control

Jules Ciotta

The most difficult part of coaching for some managers is letting others decide how to handle a task or project, instead of simply telling them exactly what to do and precisely how to do it.  You can guide the process, though, by following these three steps:

1. Listen actively.  When you discuss the project, keep your own mouth closed as much as possible.  With as few interruptions from you as possible, let your employee tell you how he or she plans to handle the job.  Ask questions that help the employee clarify his or her statements and that don't cast judgment on his or her plans.
2. Ask open-ended questions.  Help employees explore their plans with questions that force them to think. Even if you believe their ideas might fail, try to avoid saying so directly. Instead, ask something like, "How do you think that decision might affect __________?"  By the same token, when an employee comes to you with a project-related question, your first response should be, "What do you think?"
3. Share your own experiences.  Don't be shy about admitting past mistakes. If you've performed a similar task before and the results were less than satisfying, let your employees know what happened and why.  They may be able to avoid your mistakes, and they'll feel comfortable talking to you about problems and obstacles. 

Jules Ciotta is president of Motivation Communications Associates. He can be reached at (770) 457-4100 or julesciotta@comcast.net.